An Ode to Homeowners Associations

"Garrett Davis" (GarrettDavis) 03/12/2014 at 18:08 • Filed to: None

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HOAs. Sometimes they can be reasonable, but I have a special little meat locker in my heart where I keep my burning hate-fucking passion for the ones that aren't.

I gave one of my stories in reply to !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , but I totally forgot about this one:

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I live in San Diego, and as you may have seen on the news, we like to catch fire and burn down every half-decade or so, just to keep things interesting. So during the last bad one in 2007, quite a few houses in my neighborhood burned down (I got lucky), and naturally, the owners went and rebuilt after it was all done. That seems pretty reasonable, I mean, smoldering ash just doesn't have the same home-y feel, you know?

So they got their insurance money, had some plans drafted up, and built themselves some very nice looking homes. Some had balconies and sundecks, some had big gorgeous windows, some had beautiful awnings for fun summer (read: year round) barbecues, it was great. They were able to take the insurance money, and add some of their own savings to really get the home they always wanted.

Until the complaints started rolling in.

So while these people lost everything they owned, and got the opportunity to from scratch, everyone else in the neighborhood was stuck with their tract house design, and 1980's stucco walls. That pissed them off big time. The HOA finally stepped in, after all the houses were either being built or were finished in some cases, and said that you can't use a new design for your home, you have to stick with one of the 5-6 existing tract housing floorplans so that you don't disturb the "flow" of the neighborhood. It's just not fair to everyone else, right?

So what ensued was a long, and ridiculously painful legal battle, which the HOA eventually lost after 4-5 years, which is great for the home owners... except for the fact that construction on many of the homes was halted during this time, and some of the people went bankrupt after they couldn't pay the legal fees on top of what they just shelled out to contractors, materials, and building licenses after dreaming up a bigger and better home for themselves.

As you can see in the pictures, some of those were bulldozed, and just sit as empty lots now, or in the case of my old neighbor right across the street (pictured above), their house is sitting there with a big ugly chain link fence around it, with half of the house burned down. First they were battling with their insurance who didn't want to pay for their house because it only "partially burned", and then when they finally agreed to pay out, the HOA restricted what they could do. So now it just sits there with a big fence around it and boards over the windows. Their kitchen burned out in 2007, and the house still sits like this after 7 years.

It's a good thing the HOA was there, otherwise all those nice, new houses (sometimes an entire streets worth), would have really brought down the property values in the area. Vacant lots and empty, half burned out buildings are really much better. Most of the houses that burned (there were many) were finished and this whole thing is behind them, but there are still those that are just sitting as vacant lots, raising property value, apparently.

Images courtesy of Google Maps

Pixel > Garrett Davis 03/12/2014 at 18:32

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It is horror stories like that and many others that cemented my resolve to never buy in a HOA area.

When I finally had the chance to buy a house 2 yeas ago my hard and fast rule was "no HOA, no chance of a HOA forming", everything else was negotiable.

Bought a house I am very happy with in a 100+ year old neighborhood, and not only no HOA, but I have a gearhead neighbor who doesn't care what I do as long as it doesn't set his property on fire, and another neighbor who is just glad I'm not a nosy "cop-calling for crazy reasons" old lady like the prior owner of my house.

XJDano > Garrett Davis 03/12/2014 at 18:38

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Luckily the only notice I have gotten from our HOA was for having our trash cans in front of the garage. I have moved them to the back out of sight from the street, and no more letters.

I am ok with this as I drive box trucks for work all the time, and since its technically a commercial vehicle, my company rents budget trucks so it looks like I'm moving all the time.

Milky > Garrett Davis 03/12/2014 at 18:43

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That sucks, sorry. Isn't everything crazy expensive there too?

Garrett Davis > Milky 03/12/2014 at 18:49

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Yeah, property values are really high around here. We got very lucky and none of this was actually a problem for us, but saw the horrible crap all my neighbors were and still are going through over this.

I just can't believe it's coming up on a decade, and some of these still aren't resolved. I couldn't believe it until I went back in with Google Maps to see how many were still vacant lots. It's nuts.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Garrett Davis 03/12/2014 at 18:50

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It's ridiculous what they can control, and it's a shame what happened in your community. Want to protect property value, well guess what, you can forget about that. What's so wrong about people upgrading the community. The fp article about the kids truck is ridiculous. It's not a commercial vehicle, so fuck off. Some trucks don't fit in standard garages, so now you are trying to tell people what types of vehicles they should own. Screw that. I even heard ones where you can't have your garage door open for more than a certain amount of time per day. Ridicules. And it always run by the only people who give a shit. Usually old white guys with nothing better to do than mess with other people's lives.

STAGGERED-6 > Garrett Davis 03/12/2014 at 18:51

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I wish we could take a mulligan after buying into a neighborhood with an HOA. We bought into a development that specialized in super garages, two story rv type bays for the snowbird folks that invade every winter with their provosts. Only the HOA doesn't recognize the path leading to the garage as a driveway, go figure. They actually want a kickback to designate the driveway as a driveway. I worked for a landscape architecture firm out here and I'm sure there's a real sweetheart deal drawn up btwn them and the HOA to have home owners pay for a new lot plan that includes driveway typed over the original plan. If the homes weren't purpose built for that type of access id understand, but the selling point of the community is to have that access from the get go. Amazing logic, next time I'll buy acreage where alls good except recreating the thunderdome in your backyard.

Garrett Davis > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 03/12/2014 at 18:53

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Couldn't be more true. Like I said in the story I left in the comments to that article about the truck, my girlfriend's stepdad's HOA made a rule that you can't work on your car with the garage door open. They of course did this out of spite after he sort of found a loophole in their rules.

jariten1781 > Garrett Davis 03/12/2014 at 18:55

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One of my friends went through a similar situation... Only in his case the reasonable people took over the HOA at the next general meeting. All of the sitting members but one were ejected and my friend got saddled as President. Did you all look at taking over the HOA?

Garrett Davis > STAGGERED-6 03/12/2014 at 18:56

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Wow, that's just corruption pure and simple right there.

Garrett Davis > jariten1781 03/12/2014 at 18:57

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I'm pretty sparse on the details of how everything went down. I moved out of there two years after the fires, so I didn't have to deal with any of this first hand. I'll have to call up my buddy and see what the status is with his old house.

Brian, The Life of > Garrett Davis 03/12/2014 at 19:11

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I honestly hate HOAs as much as I hate pedophiles. To a one, they are fucking worthless and fascist ... and downright un-American. Their boards are ALWAYS stacked with the most vile, busy-body assholes on the planet. In fact, I am convinced the only people who truly like HOAs are neo-Stepford twats who are beyond redemption and probabley sit on their HOA's board.

STAGGERED-6 > Garrett Davis 03/12/2014 at 19:12

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Sure is, to add insult to injury my neighbor went through the trouble of hiring the landscape arch suggested by the builder to complete his "driveway" and the quality of work is ass. They just dumped AB fines and lined the driveway with huge ass river boulders. Looks like hell, imagine those goofy ass round red concrete vehicle barriers that line target stores but sitting in your front yard.

Garrett Davis > Brian, The Life of 03/12/2014 at 19:19

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To be fair, there are plenty of HOAs that aren't so petty and ridiculous, but for the most part, I completely agree. Nothing makes my blood boil like a letter from the HOA about some stupid little thing that one old lady down the street didn't find to be exactly to her standards.

Brian, The Life of > Garrett Davis 03/12/2014 at 19:23

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I've never heard one person say they enjoy living in a HOA 'hood. Every singe thing I have ever heard about them has been negative. Yes, my data is 100% qualitative. Yes, you are probably right that many folks like them and some are ok. Forgive me please for ignoring all that and wallowing in my hate for them ;)

Garrett Davis > Brian, The Life of 03/12/2014 at 19:38

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I think a reasonable HOA is sort of invisible until something comes up, and that's when you hear about them. No need to bring them up otherwise.

My dad's HOA has never hassled him for anything because they are pretty laid back about things until they become a real problem, like when a neighbors new sprinkler system would spray the side of my dads house when ever they came on (a good 30 feet away). He wouldn't fix it until the HOA told him he had to.

So there are HOAs that aren't evil, but you just don't hear about them in the same way you don't hear about someone's garbage man. If he does his job right, there's nothing to talk about. If he starts knocking over cans and not cleaning it up, you'll hear about it.

Still, I agree. Just hearing the name HOA makes my blood boil.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Garrett Davis 03/12/2014 at 22:55

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HOA suck. Back in the 70's my grandparents built thier house. For 15 years it was perfect as they were the only ones on the street. Then with the 80's boom all these other homes started going up. At some point they formed an HOA in the 90's. Then they started sending letters, and notifications about all this crap. Talked to a lawyer friend, who asked "did you join?" "No" "then ignore them"

shop-teacher > Pixel 03/13/2014 at 06:58

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I also refused to buy anywhere with an HOA. That ended up not really being an issue for me, as I hate new developments anyways. The type of neighborhood where everything has to match, and your mailbox has to be approved, etc. Those places are the soul-sucking domain for the legiouns of biegemobile driving snobs who constantly want to poke their nose into others' business.

We ended up with a cool 90 year old bungalow, and neighbors who could give a rats ass if I fix my house without a permit, they're just happy I'm fixing it.